February Snowstorm

Early February we got hit with a blizzard. I kept telling Samson that, although babies like to be born with the low pressure that snowstorms bring, he wasn't allowed to come out. A) There was an intense blizzard with 40-60 mile winds outside. B) It was 2.5 weeks early. C) My doctor was out of town. D) It was Groundhog Day, and we all know what that means. I did have some cramping, but no labor.

We got somewhere between 12 and 18 inches, which mostly stayed put in the front yard.

But with 40-60 mile winds from the north, the east and west sides of my yard had bare spots showing grass.

Deep snow and snowmen.

I was so glad that Shad did this with Tommy. I felt so bad that my five-year-old had never built a snowman. I've always been pregnant or nursing and thus, unable to help with winter play. Next year maybe we'll get to try sledding:)

And then this Thora picture that I forgot in other posts. During her teething phase, she went on a huge banana binge: 4-6 a day, and wanting to eat nothing else.

Samson Wiggin Kendell

Not having time to write this post has been driving me nuts for nearly a week. My baby deserves his literary debut! But with my physical healing time, cuddling a new baby time, mothering 4 other children time, and homework time, there hasn't been writing time. And there still isn't. But I'm taking it anyway.

FIRST OF ALL, let me clarify that Samson did NOT come early--I lied about my due date. Don't take it personally, but that last month of pregnancy is eternally long and uncomfortable and emotionally tumultuous without having people asking you daily, "Where's that baby?!" "Why hasn't he come yet?" "How much longer?"

Thank you, Mr. Wonka and the creator of this meme. You speak the thoughts of pregnant women everywhere.

So then, the real due date was February 20, not March 17 (St. Patrick's Day). Samson was born an agonizing four days late on February 24, at 10:43 pm. He weighed 6 lbs 11 oz, and was 20.75 inches long. Standard Kendell body type--long and skinny.

And if Thora's birth was my easiest one, Samson's was by far the most difficult. I was already so physically exhausted, I just didn't have the strength or willpower. Shad also pointed out that in all my other pregnancies I was able to be physically active, which definitely plays a part in the ease of delivery. However, this pregnancy I was barely able to move.

Recovery has been pretty smooth and easy. Lavender oil, again, deserves a lot of credit. Rubbing that on my belly and back for 2 days was enough to take away the after-birth cramps and pains, and soothe my back muscles from the intense back labor I get. Samson is doing well. He's a good sleeper, as long as he's not bothered by mass amounts of poop. We had one night where I had to stay up with him for 2 hours because he just kept pooping! But he sleeps well at night otherwise. He does have a lip-tie, so Shad and I will hopefully be cutting that today so that we can be successful with breastfeeding.

Words can never express the joy and love a mother has with her new baby; but this time for me, that statement is just as truly applied to how I feel about not being pregnant anymore. Shad has commented to me several times that I look happier than he's seen me be in 8 months. I am so unbelievably happy and grateful to be done with that torture session I had to endure. And I love this baby and his adorable, cuddly face. 

New Year, New Resolutions

Today is Chinese New Year, and begins the Year of the Monkey. But I'm in a crunch to get as much editing work done for my last class as I possibly can before I'm interrupted by giving birth, which believe me, can't come soon enough. Today has been a hellacious maelstrom of emotions. I feel broken, defeated and just plain done. Anyway, quick review, then on to 23 pages of heavy editing and rewriting someone's non-native English.

2015 Resolutions

One: Complete online classes to earn a copy editing certificate. Due to having trouble enrolling in a class, that might not get complete until next March. But my grammar lab class starts on Monday! 

Two: finish typing Shad's journals. That's actually a hefty one. I started typing Shad's illegible journals when we got engaged nearly 6 years ago. He writes almost a book a year. So far I've got 170 pages typed in Word. I used to do it maybe once a month, but now I'm typing one month a day, which averages an hour of typing. I'm hoping to complete one journal a month, except for April and July when we'll be travelling, and finish the project by November for a birthday present to him.

Report: My last class (currently ongoing) ends in March. Then I'll have my certificate and be done! The journals...yeah. I still have 3 or 4 to type, but I did finish 3.5 of them, which is still a huge accomplishment.

2016 Resolutions

One: Type 2 of Shad's journals. Overachieving and doing more is welcome.

Two: Reestablish daily journal writing for myself. I quit writing in my journal last year because this pregnancy has turned me into a miserable, cranky complainer, and I didn't want that in my journal. So not only daily journaling, but also writing of gratitude and happy thoughts. That's not to say I'll censor my real feelings, but that I'll make sure it's paired with positivity.

Fun Days

Sometimes we just need a day of fun. Fun, fun, and only fun. It's so hard to make that happen when I feel the way I feel all the time. But last month, it worked. I only asked the kids to unload the dishwasher in the morning. No other chores or helping me with housework. It had snowed overnight, but I didn't notice until 11 when I was reloading the dishwasher. Katie told me that she had already seen the snow, and declared that she was going to go play in it. So I spent half an hour rounding up all the right size snow pants, boots, hats and mittens, regulating kids going to the bathroom, and stuffing each child into their gear.

Worth it.

And they even stayed outside for more than 5 minutes! Thora was so jealous when she got left behind inside that I even got dressed and bundled us up to sit on the porch swing. Let it be known that my body is so physically uncomfortable that I don't get dressed anymore unless I have to. Yep, now you know. I can barely handle being in a robe with underwear on. Anything more than that is just awful and becomes unbearable after an hour. Sometimes 10 minutes.

Later that evening, Shad was busy elsewhere with something, so the kids and I had a tea party. Dancy and Thora have tea parties almost daily, but this time I joined and let us have Chex Mix and water.

Tom is getting to be a pretty good photographer.

"Now make crazy faces!"

Quick Run-Down

We had Shad's parents, Levi, Dan and Ryan at our house for Thanksgiving weekend. We played several games of Assassin's Greed, which is something I have yet to write about. Assassin's Greed is a game Shad and I have been working on creating all year. The intellectual work has been in progress all year, but it wasn't until my bed rest in September that the game actually took form and began to materialize from our brains into reality. Shad needed something to keep his mind off the stress of my condition, and threw himself full force into this project. 

Anyway, I'm sure we did other stuff, but I don't really recall. We had honey mustard ham, sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, homemade rolls, stuffing, chopped veggies and olives for Thanksgiving dinner, with pumpkin pie, failed lemon meringue pie, cherry pie, apple pie, and Rice Crispie treats for dessert (Ryan is allergic to so much, that was a dessert I could make for him to eat). The day after Thanksgiving, we decorated for Christmas. 

As much as I love one-year-old birthdays because they have no idea what's going on and why they're special that day, I love two-year-old Christmases because it's the first one the understand and will remember. It's the one they've been told about from books, siblings and friends, and finally get to see everything for themselves. That's how it was for Dancy. She flipped with excitement over the tree, ornaments, stockings, Santa's village at the courthouse, holding her fingers over the tree lights to see how her fingertips glow, etc. 

"Let me take your picture, Mom!" (It's her play phone)

Sister Youngberg got transferred.

Santa came to story time at the library. Good thing, because we were otherwise preoccupied with taking care of my body and other Christmas things.

Dancy has just been exhausted all month. I don't know what it is, but several times a week I find her like this, needing to sleep extra late in the morning or for her nap.

These three helpers and I managed to bake gingerbread cookies, chocolate chip cookies, Andes Mints cookies, sandies, orange cranberry cookies, and peanut butter kiss cookies. They had so much fun helping scoop, measure, dump, mix, and sample the dough and warm cookies. They loved getting to unwrap all the kisses for me, and they got their scissors out to open the Andes Mints. They weren't the normal foil-wrapped mints, but were sealed like candy bars. 

And then they said, "Take another one so we can smile for you!"

I had a long list of things I wanted to do with these kids for fun Christmas activities--visit Santa, decorate a gingerbread house, crafts for them to give to people, give our cookies to friends and neighbors, etc, etc. I'm just satisfied with what we got to do. I really can't manage doing much right now. The cookies while listening to Christmas music was good enough for them and for me.

Miss Sundance made cucumber teeth.

Tom and Katie wanted included in the picture, too, but their cucumbers were gone. They made do.

For Christmas Eve, we had our traditional international meal. This year was Middle Eastern. I made falafel (which failed again! I had trouble blending them, so added more oil, and then they didn't hold shape in the oven, but they still tasted fantastic!), chicken shawarma with yogurt sauce, Israeli salad (tomato and cucumber with olive oil and lemon juice), hummus, pita bread (store bought), and Persian cranberry rice pilaf. I skipped making the Ghraybeh shortbread cookies.

Thora grabbing for a falafel.

Sister Smith chopped the veggies for the Israeli salad.

Sister Hall helped, too...in her own special way.

She really did help though.

Christmas Day was a non-stop whirlwind, though great and enjoyable. Tommy came into our room at 6:50 am to wake us up and tell us that it's Christmas. Shad took him downstairs to open their stockings and I tried to go back to sleep, but gave up at 7:30. Katie had already joined the boys, and we woke Dancy up around 8, and Thora at 8:30. We opened all our stockings and presents, then had breakfast--strawberry oatmeal, as requested by the kids. We built Lego sets and played with toys until noon, when Shad and I began to clean up the kitchen and cook tomato soup and grilled cheese for lunch. We Skyped Shad's parents and Levi at 2 before naps, then put the kids down just as the Sister Hall and Smith arrived to play games. We played games all afternoon, while I monitored the Corned Beef I had cooking on the stove. They left to have dinner elsewhere, and we ate ours. Paul and Mallory showed up for games as we were finishing eating. I was thinking we had said 7, but we said 6:30. That's pregnant brain for ya. So we played games with them until I left at 9 to work at the movie theater because Jeremy needed help with concessions for 45 minutes. I filled the van with gas on the way home, came home to put dinner away and clean up the kitchen a bit, then remembered at 10:45 that I needed to call Paul Jones because I told him I would. We talked for an hour, then I finally got to sit and do absolutely nothing but cuddle with my husband.

And even though this is a year and a half old, I was taking a picture of it today for Elder Thompson and his mom because he's home now. This is the mark of Elder Brian Thompson, left when he was painting our bathroom last summer, and singing a full Good Charlotte album. That's the inside of our toilet tank.

How are you feeling?

Can I just pregnant vent about how much I hate this question? It really does nobody any good. If I happen to be feeling good, which isn't often this pregnancy, people are almost disappointed because they expect pregnant women to be uncomfortable and miserable. And if I am uncomfortable and miserable, I don't want to talk about it all the time. I really try hard to forget that it's there.

And then if I do proceed to explain how there are days that I just want to cry in the morning when I have to get out of bed because I know it'll be the last time I'm comfortable until 10 pm that night; or that pants are a physical nightmare; or that I really just try to get through each day at a time, that even though I only have a few months left, my mind is exhausted thinking that I still have that long left to go; that I've got about an hour max of standing at a time before my back is screaming in pain, and that sitting hardly brings relief because then my body is just folded over my belly, causing an aching pressure there; that I'm 6 months pregnant and have a 14-month-old who doesn't walk and is exhausting to carry up and down stairs and is also teething, while I've also got a two-and-a-half-year-old who is potty training and holds her poop for 48 hours before letting it out somewhere and my body aches every time I have to help her; yes, even after I tell anybody any of this, nobody offers to help and I'm just left wondering if that was simply to make them feel better about themselves.

And then I hear that people have been asking other people if I'm going to have a c-section. And what about my placenta. So let's clear that up too. If that were information that I felt like sharing, with any individual, I would. That's really personal stuff about my body. I could respond and ask, so, how's your menopause going? How's your prostate? Is it in good health? Are you going to go on a diet?

But instead of being rude and socially awkward, I'm just done. I really didn't want to tell anybody about this pregnancy because I hate all the questions, and I hate that saying so just makes me sound bitchy. I'm done answering "How are you feeling?" and "When are you due?" and "How much longer do you have left?" because if you're not going to offer help, or bother to remember when I'm due, or recognize that no one knows when a baby is going to be born (okay, I know Americans love their inductions and scheduled c-sections, but that should NOT be the norm), ...whatever. I don't even know where I was going with that thought. Point is: I'm done. For the fifth time, I will tell people when there is something to tell.

Barnyard Dance

So we own and love this book. It's awesome. Anyway, quick memory that just came up and I don't want to lose: When I was pregnant with Dancy and telling Tom and Katie that we were naming their baby sister Sundance, they got confused. "We're naming her Barnyard Dance?" And when we'd read this book, they suddenly thought it was a book about their sister. Baby Barnyard Dance!

The Tunnel Ended Before We Even Knew There Was Light

Bedrest is finite! I got released from bedrest two and a half weeks ago at my follow-up OB appointment. Criteria was that I had gone nearly 3 weeks without bleeding (now over a month), and that as long as I continue without bleeding, I can slowly ease myself back into a normal life. I've been given a max weight limit of Thora (whatever she weighs is what I can lift). Yay! She and I have been having so much fun playing with, cuddling and holding each other. And Dancy is such a lightweight (probably weighs less than Thora) that I enjoy holding her too.

I got released from bedrest just a few days before my birthday, so we drove to Colorado on Thursday evening and spent the weekend there. I needed some emotional rejuvenation, and found that in fresh outdoor air, different outdoor air, and a visit to the temple. I told Shad that I wanted to prioritize the three Ts--temple, Thai and thrift--and didn't care what else did or didn't happen. We spent the night at Becky's house Thursday night. We always enjoy seeing Becky and Brandon. Becky pulled out her old toys this time (Lion King action figures and Strawberry Shortcake sets), so my little people had fun playing with those and I had fun remembering when Becky and I used to play with them.

Friday morning we did our thrift shopping and Katie had such a fun time getting to pick out her winter wardrobe and find fun colored pants to match with her shirts. She was very selective in making sure she had a variety of colors, styles and patterns ("Only one Valentine shirt, Mom!"). Then we got Thai for lunch and headed to Dan's place to eat and get the kids down for naps. We spent the rest of the day relaxing at his place, he arrived home sometime while I was in my post-lunch digestion nap. It kinda slipped our minds to tell the kids that it was my birthday. We were completely emotionally and mentally shocked when I got released from bedrest. So when they realized that morning that it was my birthday, they were surprised and a little distressed that they didn't have presents for me. I told them it was okay because their presents for me were at home, and that we just forgot to pack them. I also told them that our weekend in Colorado was for my birthday. Katie, always a quick thinker, quickly claimed that as her present to me.

Saturday Shad and I left around 8 to get to the temple for an endowment session, only to find that it had filled up early and we'd have to wait until 10. We chose to do a sealing session instead. We got some shopping done at Enchanted Grounds, our favorite game store in Denver, and Michael's craft store to buy supplies for the game we're creating, and Halloween costumes. We had a lunch date at Jerusalem Restaurant, enjoying uninterrupted conversation and eating, punctuated by occasional periods of silent chewing. Ahhhhh, those sounds! Shad and Dan took Tommy, Katie, Dancy and Ryan to a Rockies game Saturday night.

Tom and Katie reported that the game was fun, but it was long, too loud, and there weren't any cheerleaders.

I stayed behind with Thora. She and I had so much fun being alone together! She took a nap, ate Cinnamon Chex (yay, sugar!!), and watched 5 episodes of Super Why while I read Anne of the Island. She was in such a happy mood, I had to have a photo shoot with her...on my phone, which isn't great, but she is!

So happy watching her show, Super Why!

Driving home, we saw the huge moon, but were tired and achy, so we didn't stay out to watch the full blood moon super eclipse.

Further news about being off bedrest: ultrasound shows that the placenta has indeed moved away from my cervix, putting us in the clear for that situation. I felt like my belly never grew out while I was on bedrest. I still felt uncomfortable being up and about the first two days, but after that, my belly suddenly popped out, and that stretching made me feel so much more comfortable!

And a lot of people have been really sympathetic to me being on bedrest. Aside from the constant stress of wondering who was going to take care of my kids from day to day, bedrest was great! Seriously, it rocked. My body was uncomfortable any time I was up--sometimes just walking 10 feet from my bed to my toilet was too much. So staying in bed was wonderful! And I couldn't have the kids with me for too long because they'd get restless and bounce all over the bed, resulting in their eviction from my room. So I got to have short visits with them as a group, or some longer visits with them individually. Limited kid time combined with other people doing all the work of feeding, dressing and diapering, made it somewhat of a Mom-vacation. I actually got to read! Imagine that. So really, no pity party needed--I loved bedrest!

Pregnancy

That lovely time in a woman's life when you put on a smile for a picture...

when this is how you truly feel. Nauseous, just want to nap all day long and for goodness sake, daughter, keep your head off my belly!

The cruel realities of dreaming that you gave birth and then wake up to find that you're still pregnant.

Zero fun sir.

I'm used to these dreams in the third semester, but it's just awful having it start in the first trimester.

And then you find out that (luck of the draw) you got a complicated pregnancy that lands you on bed rest until further notice. You can't lift, carry, bend, squat, stoop, or put pressure on your abdomen. Can't do anything with your 11 month old daughter.

(Yep, my doctor's appointment went something like that.)

And you just feel...disabled.

But then you remember that even though things are blech, "Zero fun sir," you are not allowed to do anything, and feel completely disabled, this is all leading to a wonderful final product:

So you pull on your big girl panties and suck it up.